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Battling Against My Body: What PCOS Has Taught Me So Far

I had a really sweet conversation with a dear friend this evening who has been struggling with some health problems where her body had been literally attacking itself on and off for years. Doctors haven't know what was going on and there were weeks where she felt fine and weeks where getting out of bed was a victory in and of itself.

With my recent diagnosis of PCOS, this was an encouraging conversation. The more I know about what it going on in my body, the more I don't know. Essentially, I'm fighting a hormonal disorder where I have elevated levels of testosterone and other things that have caused fatigue, weight gain, irregular cycles, mood swings, and just about anything else in between. Doctors don't know how it is caused and how to cure it so, in short, I have been told by two different doctors to eat healthy and exercise. Isn't that the remedy for everything though?

It can be incredibly discouraging to struggle with something that even medical professionals don't really how to treat but yet isn't essentially fatal, like cancer. It is this weird limbo of fighting against your own mind, body, and emotions as you exist day in and day out feeling "fine" but not "optimal".

The more I learn about my condition and about how to treat it so I can go from just living to living WELL, the more I think about this fight against my body as it relates to my faith and the the fight against my sin.

As a Christ-Follower, I am NOT perfect. In fact, the moment I decided to start following Jesus and His teachings, the more aware of my own pure awfulness I became. He sees me as perfect and forgiven because of his life, death, and resurrection. Because of what He did, I want to honor Him with my life and my choices. I obey out of love and worship, not out of duty and force.

However, the longer I am a Christian, the more I realize that I do the things I don't want to and don't do what I want to do. In fact, the apostle Paul, arguably one of the greatest disciples of Jesus, said the same thing in Romans 7:15-20

"For I do not understand my own actions...I do not do what I want but I do the very thing I hate...for I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh...I have the desire to do what is right but not the ability to carry it out...I do not do the good I want but the evil I do not want is what I keep doing...it is no longer I who do it but the sin that dwells within me."

When talking with my friend, it was funny because we exist wanting to live full lives working hard, loving our families, being active, and pursuing our friendships and hobbies. However, our bodies literally work against us in different ways and it is not something we would choose to feel.

In the very same way, as Christians, we want to do and live like our Savior yet so often we give in to our original sinful ways. There is literally nothing good in us apart from God. That is why it is so easy to fall prey into becoming a hypocritical Christian; we do the things our soul doesn't want to do but that our flesh does.

Sweet friend, if you are finding yourself at a loss because you feel like you are fighting against yourself, whether in your faith or in your body or anything in between, know that you are not alone. Reach out to me; I would love to talk. Also know that Jesus walked in a human body and was tempted; He knows exactly what you are feeling even if you don't think He does.

Sweet friend, keep fighting the good fight, in body and in spirit.




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