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Grace in Grief


"Grief is the human agreement with God of the brokenness of this world."

I can't remember the exact words my counselor used this past Friday when my husband and I went to see him but that quote was the essence of what he said.

And it rocked my world.

I am not well-acquainted with grief. She is not my favorite companion. Her and her cousins Trial, Stress, and Anxiety have essentially become my roommates in the last year. But Grief...she has been the most present, most unwelcome visitor.

I lost a grandmother who was like a mother to me. I lost a child I didn't plan for but still ended up loving.

What I'm learning is that healing is not linear. I am also learning that grief is not one size fits all.

The first few weeks of losing our baby, I was an exhausted, bitter, weepy mess while my husband was the solid rock holding me together.

The last few weeks, though, I have had an odd surge of energy, strength, and motivation. I have been"normal" while my husband has been more emotionally and physically exhausted.

In the moments where I feel like my world is falling apart, I feel like I'm an over-dramatic mess. In the moments of emotional normalcy, I feel like that I'm heartless if I'm not completely sad all the time.

During this season for Crawford and I, there has been a lot of spiritual, emotional, and mental grappling with God, our grief, and each other.

Nothing quite erodes away at your sense of self and your relationships as grief does. And I hate how this is something no one really talks about whether in the Christian church or in the real world.

In a strange way though, I'm grateful for this grief. It has brought me to the edge of my self and has opened up my eyes even more so to the pain of others. It is teaching me how I can't rely on myself to get through the though times but that God really and truly is the only one who can carry me through the hard times. It is teaching me how to take a step back when I get frustrated with how slow the healing process is within myself and also how to show love to myself when I'm physically and emotionally unable to get through daily activities.

It has also shown me how that nothing in this world can fulfill me, not even my husband. And man oh man it is showing me how to become a better wife. I fully believe that no marriage counselor or conference can beat the teacher that going through grief as a couple can be. When both parties use all of their energy to just get through each day, there is none left for each other and that is where God's supernatural graces enters.

It truly is devastating how the loss of anything can show us as humans that this world is not how it should be. Whether it is the loss of a job, a friendship, the sense of safety, or a life, grief comes in a variety of forms and in varying degrees. No one exactly tells us how to go about it when it does.

Sweet friend, whatever form of grief you are going through today, please give yourself some grace. Ask others for grace and give it to others in abundance. When you can't keep going, look up and feel God's grace. It's there, I promise.

Cheers, Sarah

 

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